Friday, 9 January 2009
Jimmy Driving
Jimmy driving the winding roads north of Bracciano. Photograph by Montana.
Monday, 5 January 2009
Message From Mambo King
This in the Jimmy BOSS mail BOX this morning:
Jimmy Boss, I’ve been trying to ignore you for some time but in your messages I understand you are so hungry for recogintion, that I feel tread upon. I can’t ignore the fact that you are after my followers. For your information, me, the Mambo King (the only). I’ve been on the pedestal for many, many years now and I’m not gonna let any Jimmy Boss take it from me. After many hours of thoughts there is only one solution, there is no room for two in this world. So, I don’t have any other choice but to challenge you to a dual.
You choose the battlefield, I would recommed it in this solar system because I don’t like to travel too far. The weapons will be your rambo knife against my maracas. The judges will be Franco, Mussellini and Celia Cruis. In case one of these persons can not assist, we will call compadre Segundo from Cubanismo. So, don’t hesitate in this challenge, I want to fit you in my busy schedule. I would never want to go to this point but you are irritating me so much that my mambo became a tango. Get ready for the final dance Jimmy!
The photograph which accompanied the message above.
Jimmy replies:
Mr. Mambo, thanks for your message. I understand that it’s damn cold where you are right now and you miss the sun, but please, relax. Maybe go to the mall and get some new clothes, maybe a new coat. Lets talk this over a couple margaritas—I’m sure we can come to an understanding without any BLOODSHED. Jimmy is not a man of violence, though he packs heat when strictly necessary. Remember the scene in Indiana Jones where Indy shoots the guy with the crazy swords? Indy’s style was based on Jimmy.
The hat is nice. We should start that hat business together soon, when we overcome any misunderstandings. Say hi to Crowbar for me and make sure the women keep the margaritas and tapas coming from the kitchen. Need to keep warm. See you pronto!
Jimmy Boss
Wednesday, 24 December 2008
Come In Maltese Falcon HQ, Etc.
Jez, Jimmy hasn’t heard from you in a while and now he sees this on the fucking news and he thinks “Hey, what the fuck is this? Why hasn’t Jez got in touch regarding comms operations off the Maltese coast?”
Smells funny to Jimmy. Like when they collect the garbage in 4th Street on Thursdays and don’t do a good job cleaning the fucking sidewalk afterwards. Comms channels ruptured and a fucking French robot called Hector going in to fix them? What the fuck is this? Why isn’t The Organization in control of this operation, huh?
In other news, Nicky sent me an email a while ago—he’s in some bank operation in London or something. I’m pretty sure I replied like Jimmy always does, but then I didn’t hear back again. Going to have to find the Man From Malay and get him to get in touch with the family again. People THINKING ONLY BUSINESS and FORGETTING ABOUT FAMILY worry Jimmy.
Oh yeah, Merry Fucking Christmas to everybody! Have some nice porchetta for me, and if you’re a fucking vegetarian, or, god help you, a fucking vegan, then at least have some FUCKING NICE FAKE CHOCOLATE CAKE in the DE-HY-DRATOR for me!! Just don’t forget to cook it while you’re waiting for your pizza that you put in the oven yesterday.
Couple more things:
- Forget about the gas and oil prices, the real emergency is upon us.
- Still stumped about the Xmas present and don’t mind being a few days late? Go get one of these on Ebay.
Merry Jimmy out!!
Friday, 19 December 2008
Book and Onion
Book, and onion. (MP3 sound file, 45kb).
Friday, 7 November 2008
Pre-Quantum of Solaccio planning, ZULU fucking time, Lavanderia hit that went wrong
Tonight at 21.30 ZULU time we shall be watching QUANTUM OF SOLACE. We got some good seats, its in Chinese though, I think its time we all start learning to speak Chinese. Anyway don’t stress about the money, cause I know where you guys live….
Vinciguerra
AWESOMIC.
Except your SITREP has one flaw: The time we’re going to watch the movie is actually ZULU PLUS 1. ZU-LU = GREENWICH MEAN TIME, or Coordinated Universal Time, which is one our behind us. Jimmy Boss will see you at REPUBLICA CINEMA FRONT at 21:00 ZULU time PLUS ONE.
Vinciguerra:
okay fine you can massage my scrotum sack then..
suck my balls
Jimmy:
Hey. Getting these details right is important. Gettin’ them wrong can get PEOPLE SHOT.
Like Joey, the time we did the hit on the Mancinos’ lavanderia over at 5th and Ocean. Sanchez had said the two cars were gonna show in front of the fucking place at a precise fucking time. Joey, smartass that he always wanted to be, insisted that he had heard Sanchez say ‘ZULU-time’ when Sanchez really mean’t the FUCKING TIME ZONA THEY WERE ALL IN ALREADY.
So Joey shows up early together with Vincennes and most importantly, with the Mancinos boys still outside, and gets two-hundred rounds of .30 in his FUCKING CHEST, while poor Vincennes can’t even be FUCKING FOUND anymore after being hit FULL-ON with one of those Russian RPG jobs.
By the time we arrived the Mancinos and the money was gone.
Sanchez wasn’t happy. Charlie wasn’t happy. Frankie wasn’t happy. And Jimmy was VERY unhappy. Very FUCKING disappointed in fact.
So get your FUCKING TIME STRAIGHT Vinnie, or innocent people might get shot this time. See you at 21:00, ROME FUCKING TIME, in front of WARNER VILAAAAAAACH REPUBLICANA CINEMO!!!!